Nat, hi.
Oh. I'm sorry. We're closing, Bernie.
- Come on. Put it on the credit card. - No. She's not here.
Didn't she tell you?
Heather's gone to Canada.
- Oh, no. Oh, no. - Now, Bernie...
- Bernie. - Oh, no.
- No, no, no, no. - Bernie! Bernie!
Follow me. Follow.
When will she be back?
Maybe never.
Oh, God.
I can give you the names of some other girls with similar skills.
It's not about skill.
I've got this pain in my ears.
In my throat. My eyes feel like they're throbbing.
My whole head is cramping!
- Have you had your sinuses checked? - Natalie...
No, when I have sinusitis, it feels just like that.
I need a service. Now.
Look, I'm here to make arrangements, Bernie. You know that.
Just give me a little tap.
- I don't think so. - Please. Just once.
And then I'll go.
[ audio plays on TV ]
Bloody piece of crap.
Hi, Dad.
Where did that come from?
I've got sound but no picture.
The telly?
It's plasma.
How much?
Look at this.
David Attenborough.
- There's even one on his career. - Great.
Did you pay the mortgage?
We could sit down and watch it together.
It'll look great on this thing.
If I can ever get the bloody thing going.
[ closes door ]
Oh. Whoa!
The spoils of being a mistress.
A very well-dressed mistress.
It was all just to keep me quiet.
Yeah, well, you could be at home washing socks
and being ignored for a footy game.
You think it was glamorous.
No. But the shoes helped, I'm sure.
Eugh. Those ones gave me blisters.
So, you're all settled, then.
Yeah, I just need to sort through this lot.
Oh, I meant to ask. Rent.
Is that the first of the month thing?
Yeah, I'll speak to Heather's cousin.
- So, rent goes to the cousin? - Yeah.
It's safer than Heather.
- Oh. - [ chuckles ]
Morning, Nat.
Morning.
Proteas. They're beautiful.
What are you doing here?
Hit me.
You need a doctor, some pills and a straitjacket.
Sorry.
- Please. Just once. - Go away!
Please. I need something.
Don't call me again!
You want to pull out of a thriving business?
Yeah. I want the cash.
Are you short?
5'8" in killer heels.
I need someone to do S&M.
You see, you're losing me money right there.
I think I'll just take a cheque for the lump sum.
- I can't do that, Mel. - Yes, you can.
Just whip that chequebook out that you've got hidden in here somewhere.
I can't pull money out of the business right now. It's too risky.
You just said it was thriving.
You just said you were 5'8".
Go on. Pop on a pair of those killer heels.
You'll scare the hell out of my poor submissives.
[ chuckles ] Me?
[ laughs ]
Best-paying position in here.
Well, I guess it's just not for everyone, is it, Nat?
Well, that's the best I can do right now.
[ closes door ]
Do you remember 'Shoe Man'?
- Yes. - Mmm. A bit ususual.
- Mmm. - Quite taken with you, though.
Suited you to a tee, really.
- Did he? - Mmm.
Paid well too.
- Shoe Man was the exception. - To the rule. Exactly.
You are excellent with rules.
Since when?
Since I need an S&M mistress.
- No. Thank you. - [ groans ]
Tess, a new position has opened up.
Mmm, she wants you to do the alternatives.
Some people just like something a bit different -
and they pay a lot for the experience.
Ooh, I don't think I'm up for that.
Huge money. Huge.
Thanks, but...
I could do it.
It's not for you, Amy.
Why not?
I couldn't care less what kind of creepy stuff people want to do.
That's my point. You need to care.
So, those two can do it but I can't?
They're called women. You on the other hand...
I'll make you a fortune.
[ chatter ]
Nice bag.
Thank you.
Can I see?
Um...
Suit me?
Sure.
How old are you?
- Perfect. - Sorry?
That's my age. Perfect boobs, perfect bum, perfect tummy.
Amy.
Jane.
You're lovely.
Young. Too young.
No such thing.
Can I help you with anything?
Er, I just came to have a look around.
Have a drink and...
...well...
Oh. Fuck.
Say that again.
Fuck.
That's the best-sounding 'fuck' I've heard.
Look...
...no-one in here is gonna blink at anything you want or need.
There's not many people like me here.
Let's hide, then.
Come on. We'll go into a room without anyone else around.
[ sultry music ]
Don't look so terrified.
- I'm not. - You are.
- You're very pretty. - Thank you.
Is that something that interests you?
I could pop on a frock if you like and you could read me a story.
Oh, no. Oh, God, no! Nothing like that.
There must be some reason I caught your attention.
- I was your age when I knew. - Oh.
That you were a... lesbian.
Married to the wrong person.
That's...
I mean, I don't mean to be rude, but...
...that's a long time ago.
23 years.
[ chuckles nervously ]
Do you feel comfortable undressing?
I... think I need to try just being here first.
OK.
Shall I take some clothes off?
We have to pick an animal and study the family structure
so I picked wolves.
Your hairdresser needs to do something about these split ends.
Anyway, the French have this great saying about twilight -
that you can't tell if it's a wolf or not or something.
"Entre chien et loup'.
Huh?
It's about a particular time of day
when you can't distingush the dog from the wolf.
- It's about uncertainty. - Hmm.
The interesting thing about wolves is the alpha female.
- It's alpha male. - There's also an alpha female.
She quietly does about running things,
sends the male ahead.
Oh, she might look like she's just following
but she's actually the one making all the decisions.
Hmm.
That sounds like me.
Well, let's have a look at you.
And that'll do us for today, I think.
- [ laughter ] - LAUREN: You can't throw this out!
They've all lost their glow.
Tess, don't dare blame your designer brands!
Well, I bought that in Paris on my first business trip.
- Oh, try it on with that. - Oh, Rome.
I was there to take notes and provide after-dinner entertainment.
At least you're still in one piece.
There's more. Hang on a tick.
What's wrong with you?
- My vagina doesn't work. - [ laughs ]
That's like blaming the sun for not coming up.
I'm serious. It's menopause.
God.
No, it's not full. It's... peri, semi, demi something-or-other.
Oh, Mel.
- Are you sure? - Mmm. Mmm. Yeah, I've had tests.
Lots of test.
A natural disaster.
- But you're not old enough, are you? - No, of course not!
Unless you've had some very good work done.
Oh, Lauren, I just want one thing in my life to work.
Are you listening down there?
We're on the clock, lady!
I don't know what to do.
Try something else.
I can't... I can't do anything else.
You have thought about the future, haven't you?
I mean, we can't all do this forever.
You see, my plans revolved around making lots and lots of money
and then retiring in a few years.
So bring it forward.
The money side's gone a bit... pear-shaped.
There's always a solution.
See, I'd be better off if someone just chopped off my arm.
Yeah, there's a lot of guys out there who love a bit of limbless bimbo.
Hmm. Alright. More wine.
- Mmm. - Mmm.
You look great with clothes on.
- Thanks. - Special client?
Er, I'm looking after the place while Nat's out.
Wow. Really?
- Yes. - Huh!
Well, that's brilliant.
- It should make for a nice change. - Mmm.
Good for you.
So, when you're ready, come and see me. I'll get you started.
Oh, I'm already booked up for the first hour.
Paying off a plasma screen.
- When you're finished there, then. - Yeah. Sure.
No probs, boss.
[ opens and closes door ]
[ movie plays ]
I had a nice little visit from your sister.
- Mmm? - Mmm.
She has a lot of spare time on her hands.
I think she's taking a break.
She burnt out?
I would've thought she'd be cashed up enough
to take a few days out without begging me to...
[ whispers ] Do you wanna go?
No. Sorry.
[ whispers ] Try some. It's all part of the experience.
OK. Um...
Mmm.
How much did it cost?
$9. It's a bit of a rip-off, really.
Er, no. The... the...
Oh. I don't know. $10 million, maybe.
Mmm. Yeah, they didn't think to buy any breast petals. Poor thing.
Hmm?
It's clearly a very cold day there in Wichita.
I think you're supposed to focus on the fact that she's digging a grave.
Yeah, right, you're looking at her shovel!
Shh!
[ sighs ]
Oh, they're overdoing the air con a bit in here too.
More popcorn?
- The butter's rancid. - [ gunshot, woman screams ]
Maybe he was just trying to spoil you.
He paid way too much for the telly and I didn't really need the DVDs.
Could've borrowed more from the video store.
If this is a problem for you...
No. No.
We don't kiss. That's all.
What do we do?
Um... are you sure you're ready to take it to the next step?
With your hourly rate in mind,
I'm prepared to push it past the hair-brushing phase.
Bath, then.
Nice?
- We have one of these at home. - Oh.
Not like this.
Where's your...?
There?
- Can you feel that? - No.
Now?
Oh.
Yes.
See? We have jets.
Yes. So do we.
Not like...
...this.
[ moans, pants ]
[ musical tone ]
- Ooh. Time's up. - Mmm!
[ musical tone ]
Thank you.
Madam?
- Jane, isn't it? - Yes.
How was Amy for you?
Er...
She's very pretty, isn't she?
But you're not satisfied.
This may sound terribly naive
but, look I feel like Amy doesn't...
...she doesn't want me.
Would you like me to arrange someone else?
No. Thank you.
I'm sure we can find someone more suitable.
Oh, look, I like her.
Maybe I'm just over-reacting. This is all very new.
I'm sure it's just a misunderstanding.
- Amy. - Yeah?
- Your client, the woman. - Oh, yeah.
- Amy... - What?
She's gone her whole life without ever really enjoying herself
so... I'm just making sure she enjoys every step,
every moment of the way to the orgasmatron.
Hmm. And you're the orgasmatron?
Well, we all are, aren't we?
Amy, you're treating her like an ATM machine.
So I'm business savvy! I thought you'd be pleased.
- Oh, don't try and play me. - I'm not!
- You really think I'd fall for that? - It was worth a try.
OK! Look, I'm sorry.
I just need you to understand.
We don't treat people like meat.
No.
No. That's how they treat us. Right.
- Did she hurt you? - No.
She's lovely.
She's too lovely.
Look, if you don't want to do this kind of work...
- Prostitution? - Women.
It makes no difference to me.
Just don't worry about it, OK?
I'll fix it.
Next time, you can choose the film.
- [ sighs ] - Hmm?
- I don't know about this. - About what?
Oh, popcorn and movies.
Well, next time we'll try the beach.
I could finally wear my new wetsuit.
If going out makes you feel weird, then...
What does that mean?
You like to stay inside.
It's not the going out that I dislike.
Considering what we do...
Yeah?
...it's just silly, isn't it?
- What's silly? - This.
It's just us.
We should keep this open.
Open? What do you mean?
In the no holding hands, no kissy, you know, coupley us way.
- Just open. - Open.
Oh... see other people.
- Keep our options... - Open?
Open. Yes.
Don't give me that face.
Every man alive wants to hear those words.
- Not me, Nat. - [ knock at door ]
Hi.
Nat...
...you know what you were saying last night about S&M.
- I am so ready for it. - No. You're not.
No, really, I am.
When you are, I'll let you know.
[ slams door ]
[ chatter, quiet music ]
Rosie.
We need booze.
Yes, we do.
Hey, are you on the same rates as us?
I doubt it. I'm freelance.
'Cause I need a service.
Amy, we've been there, OK? Go to a bar. You won't have a problem.
No.
I don't want some knob head I don't know.
And besides, I'm tired.
Well, that's flattering!
Well, please?
I need to actually have
the orgasm I've been faking for the past three weeks
or else my kitty's gonna start biting back.
I don't know, Amy. I...
Is there something wrong with me?
Not a thing.
Skin like silk, bum like a peach.
Boobs like...
I don't know.
What are my boobs like?
I'll pay full price.
No kissing.
No. No.
Definitely no kissing.
- Fish lips. - Cat's bum.
Definitely no kissing.
Oh, here.
Thanks. You're an expert.
I've had a lot of practice.
So, any plans for tonight?
My daughter's playing Portia in the school play.
- Oh, how fantastic! - Mmm.
- I always loved the kids' plays. - Have you got kids?
Er, no! No.
I have, um... er...
I guess you'd call me a stepmum of sorts.
Oh. Second wife, huh? I don't envy you.
- Well, let me know how she goes. - Who?
Your daughter.
[ Amy laughs ]
- Hey. Come on. - What?
Why?
Amy.
Lie down.
Just lie down, please.
[ both gasp ]
Let's make this a regular appointment.
I don't think that's a good idea.
I build up so much sexual tension
helping every guy out with his jism levels.
I need someone to relieve mine.
What do you do to relieve yours?
I... I have a friend.
Oh.
Do you have a girlfriend?
Yeah.
No-one in this business can manage that.
I mean, short-term, yeah, but no-one ever really makes it work.
She's cool with it.
Sure she is.
But it's OK for you to do it, is it?
I don't have a boyfriend.
Oh, that's concenient.
No, I'm just saying, I'v never met a woman who likes to share.
Not someone she cares about, anyway.
This is business, Amy.
You of all people should get that.
And you of all people should get women.
Don't worry. Your secret's safe with me.
- It's not a secret. - Oh, well, what is it?
It's personal, alright? Just butt out.
Fine. Business.
Every second Wednesday, you and me.
No way.
Mmm...
[ groans ] Never again.
So maybe next time we can do dinner first.
- Goodbye, Amy. - Bye, Sean.
- Hi! - Bye.
[ whispers ] Haven't I seen her in 232?
It was a gig. Money exchanged hands.
Oh, just as long as vampire girl doesn't find out.
- It was Nat's idea. - What?
Sort of.
- We're doing open. - Oh, Sean. Take a hint.
Oh, that's great. Thank you, Mel.
Sorry. Sorry. Sorry.
Out of line.
Got nothing else to do.
- Mel. - Oh, it's that doctor.
Trying to tell me I'm like every other woman.
Probably meant physically.
I'm not. Fuck that. I'm not.
I'm not going to be some sad sexless heifer
worrying about where my husband is
or when the power bill's due.
Or whether can bore myself so senseless
that I'll paint my own toanails to fill in a couple of hours.
Oh, shit!
Sorry... What am I going to do?
You are the most well-connected woman in this town, right?
So maybe one of these guys has got what you need.
And what's that?
Business ideas.
Nat?
- Comfortable? - Oh... uh... it...
Just looking for phone numbers.
I keep them right there.
Oh... doesn't really matter now anyway. Thanks.
Receipts?
- In the safe. - Thank you.
How'd you go?
Oh, loved it. Really enjoyed the challenge.
So are you happy?
I've never really thought about that.
No, about everything.
I haven't added up the bookings yet, so...
- Thank you for giving me a go. - Thank you for stepping in.
[ clears throat ]
[ clears throat ] Geoff? It's Melanie. How are you, gorgeous?
Sure, yes. I... I didn't know I was interrupting.
Yeah, well, you've got my num...
Paul! How are you, gorgeous?
Oh, that's terrible. I'm really sorry.
No, no. Of course... of course I understand.
Look, I'll keep your usual time
and you give me a call when things pick up.
OK. Bye.
Anthony! Let me guess. You're still recovering, right?
Yeah. No. OK. Bye.
Come on, Omar. You've never let me down yet.
[ clears throat ]
Omar. Guess who.
[ laughs ] No.
Hey, Omar, why don't we get together and have lunch?
Excellent.
[ mobile phone rings ]
Yes?
MAN: [ on phone ] My head is exploding.
Hello?
Sinus. Sinus. It's getting worse.
Bernie?
- It's not my bloody sinus. - Bernie...
Nat, Nat, I know you told me not to call you
but, Nat, I need help.
Please do something. Please.
- [ sultry music ] - Please, Nat. I need help.
Nat? Please.
- Where are you? - Nat, quickly.
[ sighs ]
- Are you OK now? - Mmm.
- Sorry. - It's fine.
I just freaked out.
What happened?
Oh, at work. It was a couple. They were thinking of separating.
Because of you?
No. No, no no. I'm a conciliator for the family court.
I'm supposed to help save their marriage.
That's very noble.
They started telling me about how - after they had the baby -
they stopped having sex.
She accused him of getting weird.
OK. He wanted to tie me up.
There's nothing wrong with wanting to spice things up a bit.
What do you suggest?
You could try doing it in different rooms in the house.
Maybe the laundry or the kitchen.
- Maybe use a spatula. - Spatula?
Yeah, or a wooden spoon.
- [ laughs ] - That's kind of a game.
For some people.
Are you trying to take the piss out of me?
No, no, no. Don't get upset. I'm just trying to use our imagination.
Maybe I should put an apron on as well.
Sure. If you want. Whatever tickles your fancy.
I'll tickle your fucking fancy with my bloody fist.
Then he threatened to hit me.
Which, of course...
You can if you want.
If it makes you feel better.
You're a fucking pervert. That's what you fucking are.
I just got worked up.
- Then I had a meltdown. - [ door slams ]
And that's why I called you.
NAT: And suddenly you were the one with the problem.
Yeah.
Perhaps you should try so hard.
- To help people? - To understand.
I find most people, especially couples, kind of... simple.
- Yeah. - Mmm.
They seem to think that spending your whole life with someone
is some kind of major achievement
when, in fact, it's just kind of lazy.
Which is why they all get chubby.
Mmm. Is that mean?
- Yep. - [ laughs ]
But then... we are the outcasts.
So we're allowed to be as mean as we like.
[ laughs ] What makes you think I'm an outcast?
[ laughs ] Come on.
You know, I was really frightened at first.
Frightened? Of what?
Of being me.
I'm gonna go.
Bye, Dad.
Where's the telly?
It's at the second-hand dealer down the road.
What? Why?
Oh, just another excuse for me to sit on my bum all day.
Maybe you should stay home.
And do what?
Study.
I'm on top of that.
Well, keep me company, then.
It's pretty quiet around here lately.
Dad...
- I'll be back after... - Stay safe, little rabbit.
- Lovely to see you. - You too.
Mwah. Mwah.
You look well.
Things are on the up.
- Oh! - Sit.
I've ordered some champagne.
I thought you weren't supposed to drink. Hmm?
How's this for an offer?
Hmm?
An apartment by the bay, two bedrooms, fully furnished. A new car.
A Lexus or something similar.
Not sure about the Lexus, but go on.
[ toddler babbles ]
Melanie?
Yes? Sorry. Go on.
A monthly stipend for odds and ends
and money for new clothes.
That sounds perfect. [ laughs ]
Still, I've never really considered myself a one-man kind of girl.
- But it's a good offer. - It's a great offer.
- The car, it's not too much? - No.
I don't want her to think I'm trying to take over her life.
'Her'?
Isabelle. I met her in London.
Congratulations.
Now, Omar, the reason I called, I, um... I'm looking for investors.
Bad time for investments.
Well, I gather.
The point is, it's time for me to expand,
to start my own business.
- I can't help you, Mel. - Just hear me out.
I can't go spending my money on luxuries like you, Mel.
It's not on me.
It's not a good time.
I could spread the word around. I'd be happy to help.
But that's all I can offer.
[ knock at door ]
- Hi. Have you got a minute? - Sure.
I had an unexpected booking last night.
OK. I'll write it up.
Standard fee. I'll bring in the receipt.
Cool. New client?
Er... sort of.
New but old?
- Amy. - Amy who?
Amy. Amy, from here.
Oh... [ chuckles ]
She wants to make a permanent booking.
- I haven't agreed yet but... - You'll let me know.
Not even a little twinge?
If you're getting paid, we both win.
I just thought the idea of me having a really great time
with a young, fit, naked girl...
It was my idea.
There's too many blurry lines here, Nat.
- I like blurry. - It's rubbish.
You're different. I get it.
OK, I get that.
I'm into it.
Whatever you want...
...just as long as I can get past that...
...skirt.
We are having fun.
Don't look at me like that.
You're the most gorgeous thing that I have ever seen.
We good now?
Amazing.
Yeah. I'm good, aren't I?
Yeah, you are.
Can I make this a permanent booking?
I don't think so, Jane.
- I'm all booked up for a while. - Hooray.
Really.
You should move to Lesbos.
Go find someone who cares.
Maybe you can't accept the fact I just want what every man wants.
Maybe you're getting the wolf confused for a dog.
Look at you.
Haven't you wasted enough time already?
Still tiptoeing around, halfway to your grave,
wasting your life.
Listen, sweetheart, I came here for some pleasure,
not to be lectured by you.
What do you know about pleasure?
I know it's not just between your legs.
You know, the irony is,
you clearly have no concept of how to give.
You don't know anything about me.
Oh, you can hide behind your prettiness your whole life
but trust me - you and I aren't so different.
Yeah, we are, actually.
[ sighs ] I'm sorry.
- Just go. - Oh, Amy.
Fuck off.
[ chatter ]
25 words or less why your client
just left looking like she'd swallowed paint stripper.
- Oh, that... - No, not that.
I was trying to help her out.
Explain that to me, Amy.
- She ended the service. - On what basis?
She can't face up to who she really is.
What has that got to do with you?
I gave her some advice.
That's not what you're here.
People unload on me, Nat.
Just spill their guts all over the place
and I'm supposed to ignore that, am I?
You're supposed to make sure they don't feel humiliated.
Oh, come on. That's the whole paint. They want me to know.
No. They don't.
If you can't handle your clients
without getting personally involved...
Look, Lauren told me to.
- Lauren told you to end the service? - Yeah.
She freaked out at me
and I just figured it was best to end the whole thing.
[ man, woman laugh ]
- Can I have a word? - Sure.
You left something out about last night.
I collected all the receipts.
Amy's client - Jane. Looks like we lost her.
- [ groans ] - On your watch.
There were some minor issues but I sorted them out.
She said you told her she could end things if they weren't working out.
- Nat, I didn't say that! - So you knew about it?
Amy said that she would fix it.
- You should have handled it. - I did!
Unsuccessfully!
Nat...
...Amy has got problems.
- Real problems. - [ scoffs ] Don't we all.
Oh, g'day, little rabbit.
What's this?
Went and got it back.
Oh, darling.
[ chuckles ]
Shit, um... where's the remote?
Oh. [ laughs ]
[ sighs ]
- Dad? - Yeah?
Why do you still call me 'little rabbit'?
Well, that's what I've always called you.
And if you were an animal, what would you be?
Ooh, um...
...I reckon I'd be a baboon.
Ooh. [ laughs ]
Well, I'm not a little rabbit anymore, Dad.
[on phone] Hi, you've rung Daniel. Please leave a message.
Hi. It's me.
I just...
...I wanted to see how you are.
I miss hearing about your ungrateful rug rats
and how brilliantly shitty your day was.
And I, um...
...I'm talking to your voicemail again.
[ door opens ]
- Good evening. - Evening.
Play me something.
[ plays scratchily ]
Stop!
That's terrible. Start again.
[ plays same note ]
Try harder!
Ma'am.
[ plays unsteady trill ]
You're rubbish. Have you been practising?
- Yes, ma'am. - How often?
Every day.
So why aren't you getting any better?
I don't know.
I do.
Why is it, Ma'am?
You don't pluck.
[ whispers ] Pluck...
Pluck...
[ sighs loudly, pants ]
- Up straight! - [ sighs ]
That's it.
- Perfect. - [ pants ]
[ bach's 'air on the G String' plays ]
Captioned by Grantman Brown